Yes, the giddiness of my prior achievement made me gain over 3 lbs. So much for reaching new goals and being respectful to them. Lesson learned, I hope. I may need some deep analysis of the situation to understand why I sabotage my efforts when I see a new low on the scale.  However, I do not feel capable of such study right now. Thank goodness in my case it is a  “1 step back, 2 steps forward” position and  not the contrary.

It took me well over a week to get back on track and losing again, without gimmicks like starving or going to bed early to avoid eating (but dreaming of foods all night).  Next goal is to lose another 20 lbs in 2 and 1/2 months – not sure I can do it, but now that I am less heavy I can add swimming on a regular basis to my schedule. I hope swimming helps.

…And  to anyone out there that may be reading, thank you for stopping by and giving me some silent support. 🙂

Tally: 87 days gone, 4 days to next weigh in, 278 days remaining in this amazing journey.

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WLANL - vdt.rolf - Appolo (romein)

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I know I may be jumping the gun but … My heart skipped a beat this morning when I saw the number in the scale! I have dreamed of seeing a 4 in the middle position for months!! When I was in the 270’s and 260’s,  the 240’s seemed so far away! A dream … a hope … Now I entered the 240’s and cannot be happier about it! These next 10 lbs will be a pleasure to lose. Just the vision of having a 4 right there in the middle will make it all exciting. I have not been here for a long, long while.  Not only that but the numbers that follow are each ‘escalatingly’  better!

I say this often here on my blog, and I will say it again because I deserve it.  I am so freakinly proud of myself.  The joy I feel inside, for me, is immense.  I did not know how much I mattered to me until now.  Having others being happy and proud of me is very nice, but it pales in comparison of how I feel about myself! Before I would let myself down all the time, I would not even apologize internally.  So what happened? Why now my opinion of me is the most important? I developed a self awareness I did not have before.

This new feeling radiates into other aspects of my life. For example, I deserve to be loved with respect and admiration. This elevation of self has made our marriage so much better.  I see in my husband’s eyes not only love, but admiration and respect, I matter in his eyes, I exist, and I am wanted! Before when I could care less about myself, I did not see these emotions in his eyes.

In social circles I shine brighter, I feel safe because I have myself by my side. This security draws people to me.  Even the clicky group of moms that usually ignored me, at kids drop of and pick up time, now embrace me.  I am still not the most popular girl in town, but I am no longer the outcast.  High school never ends!

So cheers to myself and to loving who I am!!!

Tally:  74 days gone,  291 to complete transformation and 3 days to next weigh in!

An icon from the Crystal icon theme.

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I am honestly tired of people who complain but do nothing to improve the issue. I am by nature a problem solver. If I do not like something, I change it, for better or for worse. So for me it is very hard to fit into the shoes of those who prefer to stay in a rut.

I have gained a chunk of weight these last couple of days. I ate off plan and was feeling a famine so huge, anyone who saw me would think I am starving myself on this way of eating. Carbs are evil. Can I give an advise? Ditch the simple carbs and move on with your life!

Tally:  64 days gone, 4 days to next weigh in, 301 days to take off!

A vegetarian dinner at a Japanese Buddhist temple

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I am putting to the test the “little hunger theory” from the book “The Enzime factor” from Hiromi Shynia, MD. I must say first that his book endorses a mostly vegetarian diet with “cold” low-fat proteins like fish. It actually does not agree with low carb diets full of animal protein and milk products.

The little hunger theory simply says that it is good for someone trying to lose weight to skip dinner or have an early light dinner.  I believe he recommends this to be done certain times per week, not everyday.  For the past 4 days I have had larger than normal lunches and have either skipped or chosen light dinners (a tomato salad with lemon and oil, for example).   Overall, I have eaten the same amount of calories, but shifted the heaviest calorie load to lunch. The results  for the last couple of days may be coincidental. but I have lost  over 3 lbs.  I have to say that these “little hunger days” were preceded by higher calorie intake days due to hormonal …hmm ..needs.

It is fun to be my very own private experiment.  I hope that by the time I am done or bored of experimenting, my weight will be somewhat in the “normal” range.

If you want to check my progress please chick on the link above called “Progress”. There you will find my weekly results as well as daily.

Thank you for reading!

Tally:  54 days gone, 7 days to next weigh in, 311 days until complete transformation.

Damages (TV series)

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Life is good.  So why the crying, the lethargy, the dark veil over me?  I tried to fight it, I tried to resist. By mid afternoon I was done for., all I wanted was to be soothed, to curl up in bed. To eat… and so I did. First I conceded on the calorie restriction, then a load of carbs were consumed. Heartburn (and heartache) inevitable followed. It seemed like an old ritual, one I used to do every night. But life was not as bright then. I have no good reason to fall, to sadden, to weep. But I did. All of it with a “Damages” marathon on my laptop.

Today I envisioned myself feeling renewed, liberated, exonerated.  Maybe I needed yesterday to continue my journey. So I am taking it as a positive thing, and will be happy to move on with the above questions unanswered. After all. I am just human, of the female kind.

Tally:  48 days gone,  6 days until next weight in, 318 days until completed transformation.

The Troubled Stateside

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This past week was a struggle to stay true to my goal. If trying to understand what happened, I must create a list so next time I can compare notes. Here is goes:

  • End of period and the days following it. They seem to be troubled* days for me, but this is just a suspicion at this time
  • The consumption of added carbs has provoked my cravings. Efforts to eat clean were not long-lasting enough before indulging in carbs again ( I should eat clean for at least 3 days following cravings)
  • Calorie average for the week was too high: 4 days with high calorie intake versus 3 with low. This should be reversed (at least) for consistent weight loss, I think.
  • Weekend day away from home – even thought I brought with me plenty of allowed foods, I ate too little of them, drank too little water, and this ate too many calories last night.
  • Not enough water
* troubled days: not only for weight loss but in all aspects of life, my life.
This week should be an eat clean, stay focused, do not overdo it with the calories type of week. I will do it.  Seven day commitment: No days over 1800 calories this week and no days over 30 grams of carbs.
Tally: days gone: 40   Days until next weight in: 7 days to complete transformation: 325
Tofurkey dogs

Image by Alfred Hermida via Flickr

This was a difficult week. Urges to eat Pita Chips, empty carbs, and to simply eat huge amounts of food was the most challenging these days.  I survived it with only one set back.  It was a good lesson learned.  I am able to recover from a mishap without ruining the days that followed it. Just like the old saying goes – If you fall, get on that horse and do not look back … maybe that is not how the saying goes, but you catch the meaning, right?

This prior week ended with a loss of 1.7 lbs – Perfect, if I may say so.  Everyday I am amazed that I am actually taking this journey. Every morning I smile knowing that I accomplished what I set to do the day before. It is truly one foot in front of the other and soon enough miles (in this case lbs) are left behind.

I often wonder why I did not lose weight before with the mental set I have today.  All the other times I lost weight my reasons were different that the ones now.  It took me to feel like an old, crippled person, dealing with chronic pain to get this light bulb to shine inside. I never before truly worried about my physical health, more specifically to heal my body, to reconstruct as much as possible the damage I have done to MY body. The reasons before were the typical – to look good, to fit on cute clothing, to make others notice me. To make others happy. To not be embarrassed of the way I look, to be able to wear high heels again … etc, etc … never I said, I want to be (not feel, but be) healthy!!

So cheers to my new-found wisdom, which arrived to me on my early 40s … better late than never.

Tally: Days Gone: 34  Days until next Weight in: 7  Days to Complete Transformation: 331